My girlfriend came back into the room with two mugs of tea, leaning against the doorframe as she watched me struggle underneath her computer.
‘Any luck?’ she asked, hopefully.
‘Yes, actually,’ I said, standing up and accepting one of the mugs. ‘I’ve diagnosed your problem.’
‘Really?!’ she seemed surprised.
I nodded. ‘Your internet is slow.’
She glared at me and took back the mug of tea. ‘Tea is only for helpful people,’ she said, cutting off my protestation.
‘Look, I’m out of my depth,’ I admitted. ‘I have no idea how to fix my slow internet, let alone yours. Can’t you just call someone?’
‘I did!’ she said with a smile, gesturing to me. It was my turn to glare and snatch the tea back. She laughed, and let me take it. We sat in silence for a second, then something occurred to her and she had to quickly swallow her mouthful.
‘Oh, that reminds me!’ she gasped, fanning her mouth. ‘There is something else you can help me with!’
‘I don’t remember offering–’ I started, but she had already whirled out of the room.
‘Ta-da!’ she gestured when I finally tracked down which room she’d landed in. I looked down at what she was so excited by – a new TV, still in its box and surrounded by a pile of brackets and screws.
‘Nope!’ I shook my head, downing my tea and turning around.
‘Jasonnnn,’ she pleaded from behind me, and I stopped with a sigh.
‘I hate mounting TV’s,’ I frowned. ‘It’s always way harder than you think it’s gonna be, and they’re so heavy–’
‘What if I pay you?’
‘You’re not going to pay me,’ I rolled my eyes. She smiled and tilted her head.
‘Aren’t I?’
‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘You’re going to pay a professional, someone who knows what they’re doing when it comes to TV wall mounting. Melbourne hospitals have enough broken toes to deal with, they don’t need me adding to the list.
‘Now,’ I finished, ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’
She looked around, and slowly shook her head.
‘Cool,’ I said. ‘If that’s it, then–’
‘I think we should break up.’