Dark Times

Daylight savings offers nothing but false promises and dashed hopes. It gets you into this state of mind where the days go on forever – you can get home from work and go for a two-hour surf, then make a leisurely dinner and eat it in the backyard before the sun is halfway set. Then, …

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Lunch Break Service

I am so hungry. I only ate four hours ago, so it doesn’t make sense to why I’m absolutely starving, but I am and it’s making it hard to concentrate on what my mechanic is saying. I’ve just arrived at the car mechanic in Hawthorn to pick up my car on my lunch break. He’s …

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Backyard Pivotal

You know those stories you read on the news or someone’s blog where something tragic has happened and all of a sudden this person is the guardian of three kids. Well, that happened to me, except I am now the legal owner of three border collies. My sister was in an accident and has irreversibly …

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Question for Dr. Internet

Oxygen: are we getting enough? Hey, don’t look at me for answers. That was the hot topic at tonight’s P&C meeting at Harry’s school. Marcia Maxwell-Higgins brought it up, being fresh from a ‘health cruise’ that seemingly consisted of being on a boat with a range of the latest health and wellness technologies. By the …

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What a Tool

If Christopher thinks he can just rock up out of the blue and ask me for mates’ rates on ute fittings… well, he’s dreaming. Sure, we used to be pretty tight but we haven’t talked in over a year, ever since that incident with the demerit points. He still reckons that the speed camera came …

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Ute Love It

Honest question: if you had the opportunity to take off in a 4WD to live in a run-down shack in some remote town with a name like Hell Creek or Borisville (population: 30), would you consider it? You would, wouldn’t you, if only for a second? I’m just here to remind you that you do …

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Between Seasons

There’s no time of the year like late summer in Melbourne. If it’s not broiling hot one minute and icy the next, there are golf ball sized pellets of ice raining down from the sky. Everything looks oddly windswept and yet the air is somehow as still as… I don’t know, something eerie that doesn’t …

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Healthy Plot Planning

I don’t like to be disturbed while in my hyperbaric chamber. It’s a time for me to come up with vile plans to take over the city of Melbourne, as all good evil scientists do. I bought my hyperbaric chamber recently, after rewatching Space Battles: The Bad Guys Attack Again. I got up to that …

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Tinted Sacrifice

I shouldn’t have sent Nathaniel on that mission. I knew it was a bad idea, but here we are, planning on busting into an Auto King warehouse to recover his charred remains. His sacrifice shall not be forgotten, that much is sure. I, Saint Illinois James, will make sure that he is remembered by all …

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