Disaster Wedding

My wedding was a disaster! I hardly know where to begin. Almost everything went wrong. Everyone showed up late, the music was hijacked by my little brother, the catering service almost forgot about our order, and somebody replaced all the wine with apple juice! The only thing that came through for me was Melbourne’s best marquee hire, who were on time and helped set up. I couldn’t be happier with them, but everyone else? Not so much.

The lowlight, or highlight, depending on your perspective, was when they brought out the cake. After all of the disasters, I thought it might be the second thing to go right. I hoped that would be the case, at least. As it turns out, my family had other plans. My brother (the same who hijacked the music), had hidden several explosives underneath the cake, and just as I went to cut it, he detonated them. Cake exploded all over me, and everyone had a good laugh. Except for me. I think my brother has gone into hiding, possibly overseas. If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t come back.

Thank goodness for the reliable wedding marquee hire. Melbourne would be trembling from my fury if one more thing had gone wrong today. My family keeps telling me that it’s no big deal, and I’ll remember it all fondly in the coming years. I’m not so sure. It was supposed to be my perfect day. How could they do this to me? I’ll have cake in my hair for the next three years.

I’ll have to dedicate myself to revenge. My sister’s 21st is coming up. How can I sabotage that? Put holes in all the wine glasses? Sneak chilli into all the food? Replace the napkins with wet wipes? They will all regret this day, I’ll make sure of it. But maybe that’s what they want. I’ve never gotten involved in their elaborate pranks over the years. Should I really stoop to their level? I’m better than that.